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Stop Evaluating the Character of a Girl with her Virginity


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“What? But you said that she was perfect for you!” I exclaimed. “Yup she was. I had already asked my parents that I will marry a girl who looks beautiful and is professionally good too. You know she even had a nice figure. I should have understood then and there only when I noticed her hot figure?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked puzzled. “You know she was not a virgin. God knows how many times she had slept with how many boys”, he said in an angry tone. “Did she tell this to you herself?” I asked calming him down. “Yeah she did. The same old story that she was in love with someone who was unfaithful and left her after the college. Who cares man? And how do I know it was just one guy? She might be the slut of her college for what I judged. These days, you can’t find a decent girl you know.” He rushed those words out as his phone rang. “Hey, I gotta go meet up with some other girl. My mom says she’s from a good family and good looking too. Gosh I just hope she’s not a bitch like the previous one. See ya later pal”, he added.

I was left baffled. I felt ashamed of myself for finding a friend like him who had such a low mentality that I felt disgusted.


A Couple of Years Back

U wnt beliv me!!!!!!

Wht? I jst fell asleep man. Y r u trbling me so erly in da mrng?

Ask me where I m!!!!!

Whr r u?

At *****’s room. On her bed.

Wht? :O

I jst fckd her dude. She ws awsm. Yu knw wht. I dint knw she ws a virgin! It ws lyk a cherry on my ice crm.

Gt a life man. Fr hw lng yu r gonna cheat on grls.

Dude if u cud c hr slpng nkd rght nw!! Shl I send u a pic?

Nooo. R u crzy or wht.

Yes I am. 3rd grl in da sm coleg. Wht do u say.

I switched off my phone before he could blabber more.


Cases like these are pretty normal in India. We have a strange mentality that can’t be understood by even the psychologists. Probably because if they tried to study it, they would die of shame.

Virginity of a girl is taken up as a peek into the character of a girl. No matter how much you deny it, you can always find such male hypocrites around you. These people are a disgrace to what we know as a society. How do you evaluate someone’s character with a thin tissue? And if you do, where is your character certificate. Probably the cause behind the rejection of a girl is your sexual adventures in your school or college or work place or neighborhood.

So, shouldn’t it be the opposite? Shouldn’t it be the girl asking this question to the guy? For all I know, if he’s not a virgin, he could be responsible for a sad rejection of some other girl by a purist. Should he not face a similar fate as of hers?

"Who am I to say all this?"

I know many people will say this and trash this post in their minds. But I’m one of those many people who have been fortunate to have a steady mental growth with their age. I’m one of those many people who banish such mentalities and curse such individuals. I’m one of those people who will teach their children to understand this issue so that people like us gain majority in the coming future. I’m one of those people who will eventually make a difference. 

Respect a girl for her inner beauty, for her sacrifices and for her mentality. Love her as she is the one who will make your life beautiful and your family complete even though she will be leaving her own incomplete. 



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27 comments

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June 13, 2014 at 9:11 PM delete

Nice take on the prompt Anmol . I really liked the way you concluded your post .Precise & apt.

http://www.sweetsharing.com/an-open-letter-to-the-righteous-guy-seeking-a-virgin-girl/

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Anita
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June 13, 2014 at 9:45 PM delete

First Anmol, Congrats for your topic getting chosen for IndiSpire.
Many people feel strongly about it, hence they voted for your idea...

The lady in your story, who got rejected, is a strong & trustworthy lady who has shared her secret before marriage. The male in your story is the one who is untrustworthy non-marriage-material...
I feel the whole issue reeks of double-standards. Hope to share my thoughts soon :)

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Nima Das
AUTHOR
June 13, 2014 at 10:12 PM delete

Respect a person for who he/she is and not choice future life partner on the basis of a little bit of skin called a hymen.Some men are so stupid they should be send out of space to another planet.

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June 14, 2014 at 12:07 AM delete

I applaud that there are still men like you who want to give women the respect they deserve,I just hope your thoughts translate into action, and kudos, for having the nerve to post this topic for indispire..

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June 14, 2014 at 8:34 PM delete

Nice thoughts dude. I wish there were more like us...

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June 15, 2014 at 10:59 AM delete

wonderful post.. totally agree with your views. Sadly, even I too know characters like the one you described... "knew" i guess because I too chose not to have such people in my life.
People are so hung up on the matter of virginity and all and ignore key factors like compatibility which would truly define a relationship...

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June 15, 2014 at 5:36 PM delete

Wow! It's a relief to know that men like you exist. Your views and beliefs make me want to believe that all men are not the same. :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 16, 2014 at 2:07 AM delete

Thank you Garima :)
You have some good views too for which I have left my comments :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 16, 2014 at 2:08 AM delete

Thank you Anita :)
I do agree with your views as well. So yes I'm looking forward to read your post :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 16, 2014 at 2:09 AM delete

Agreed :) At the end of the day, it's the heart that matters :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 16, 2014 at 2:11 AM delete

Thank you Sahiti :)
I've got some strange reactions too for the topic on Indispire. But I guess if some people (including you) could understand the reason why I posted and the thought behind it, I should not care about those reactions. :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 16, 2014 at 2:11 AM delete

Keep spreading the thoughts and there will surely be more :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 16, 2014 at 2:13 AM delete

I agree with your view :)

It doesn't matter at all. Compatibility is one of the key things that do matter. :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 16, 2014 at 2:15 AM delete

Yes you must believe in that. There are many who share the same views as I read in other posts too and like you can read in the comments too. :)
Thank you for dropping by and appreciating the effort :)

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Issac Thomas
AUTHOR
June 16, 2014 at 2:32 PM delete

and Thats what gender discrimination is all about....

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June 17, 2014 at 12:45 PM delete

Read your second post as well . How I wish that this country had more MEN like you who could stand by whats right , be rational , treat the subject with sensitive & logic . Congrats on two amazing posts :)

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June 17, 2014 at 12:50 PM delete

Pardon as I am allowing myself to join this conversation. I would like to congratulate guys like Siddhart Muzumdar & Anmol rawat . I have read your comments on other posts too . And I gladly echo the same sentiment ." Wish there were more like you guys." Kudos :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 17, 2014 at 1:06 PM delete

what are you trying to point out?

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 17, 2014 at 10:33 PM delete

Thank you for reading Garima and thank you for sharing your views as well. It's good to see so many female bloggers writing the post on a topic that might be considered taboo by many.

Thank you again :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 17, 2014 at 10:35 PM delete

Thank you Garima :) I am sure there are many other men like us :) Thank you for participating with high spirits and standing shoulder to shoulder against this issue :)

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Shruti Modi
AUTHOR
June 18, 2014 at 3:31 PM delete

Anmol dats pretty much true. Its d sad truth that for men it matters and i dunno why it shud matter. i am glad that i have frnds like u and other colleagues who are different . i yeah pat for back for speaking up on this (y) applause's for this.

with my personal exprnce i can tell u that yes in arrange marriages this plays a key role .. i felt sick wen the guy actually asked me if im a virgin. SICK !!! dats when i decided that nop thats not d guy i can share my life wth.. not worth it..

hats of to u buddy.. keep writing and i hope we get some change :)

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June 19, 2014 at 2:14 PM delete

Taboo is a myth . In olden time it could be useful when the awareness was less & myths dominated the thinking . Today , we are well connected well read & well educated . It is imperative to pick up issues that are relevant in today's context than beating around the bush . A girl's character certificate is the most mundane issue. I think some people also confused it with 'virginity & its relevance ". And went on discussing & debating over it .That's a complete different issue . It should have been discussed keeping in mind the predicaments faced by a girl , as per the topic given . Anyhow It is nice that you brought forward this delicate issue At least we know what do people think & how they react to it . Seen some evolved thinking that put women & men at the same position , offering them to think beyond the physical aspect , a fair play .Also witnessed the replica of patriarchal thinking with just change of words . Over all a good debatable subject :) .

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vishalbheeroo
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June 19, 2014 at 7:33 PM delete

It reeks of a sick mentality in our society with such kind suffering from some complex in life. Such double standard coupled with inferiority complex. Kudos for coming with this post, Anmol:)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 19, 2014 at 11:27 PM delete

Yes you're right :) Frankly some posts were pretty weird to me. I agree with you. At least by bringing up the issue we have a faint idea of how people think. Yes some people do mistook the topic in some other manner. A couple I know were offended for some hypothetical reasons. Those people should first read all the posts and then decide if the topic is debatable or not. Anyways it's good that some guys came forward with some good posts supporting women against this issue. And yes people like you posting about it matters much more coz you have so many readers. The more the readers, the better are the chances that some mindsets might change. So thank you for that :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 19, 2014 at 11:29 PM delete

Thank you Vishal :) But I do believe that if people keep spreading awareness and more and more men come forward with sane thinking, the change will definitely come.

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
June 19, 2014 at 11:33 PM delete

Yes I know dear. Girls do go through such things. That is the reason why I picked up this topic. But I felt sad when some people were offended and thought that the topic was stupid and even I was stupid (and a lot more) for posting such a topic. I guess either they live in their safe spaces or I don't know what. Anyways, thanks for the appreciation.

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December 7, 2015 at 1:28 PM delete

Blaming her for the cowards that they are. It is because we have never seen people for who they are on the inside that we keep judging them on the things that they do on the outside.LET’S BE HUMAN, NOT VIRGINS! http://goo.gl/vwUQMi

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