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A take on Inter Religion Marriages

Inter Religion Marriages a Taboo?

IndiSpire25: Inter-Religion marriage still taboo among Indians? What is your take on it? 

Let us not drop right into the topic and try to analyze the situations and the facts around it first. As they say, love has no bounds. You can literally and practically fall in love with any person. You are not concerned about anything when you hit that strong connection with any person. All the social factors, all the racial systems and all the religious matters are battered to death (like they should be) and all you want is to cherish that unconditional love you get and reciprocate with your partner.

However, here, we are not merely talking about love. The topic corresponds to inter religion marriage. I really hope not all people have abandoned their parents and living all by themselves. So in general, when you marry someone, you have to adopt each other’s cultures. Now that can act as one of the strongest hurdle in your happy married life. I have read and heard about so many couples who got separated after marrying with their own consent just because it was not easy to dwell into some unknown customs. Especially in Indian society, it is really a difficult thing for the girls as she is the one who has to go through a great deal of ordeals in the name of customs and rituals. The guy is not leaving his home or his customs so obviously it’s easier for him to move forward into the married life.

I am not saying that I have anything against inter religion marriages. I am not saying that it should be a taboo (as it is considered to be). I’m just giving a reason why the parents fear from inter religion marriages especially if they are the parents of a girl. People these days make decisions in a hurry without thinking much about the facts and consequences of their actions. Falling is love is one thing but taking step forward to marry someone is not that simple.

Yes there are so many happy couples who successfully live their married life even after their inter religion marriage. I respect those people and I really hope the numbers keep increasing. I support love. Marriage is something I still have to experience and thus it will be better to read someone who is already married. My views are just based on what I read and what I hear after analyzing the situation myself. When I say I support love, I do believe that inter-religion marriages can be successful. It all depends on the intensity of love and dedication towards your partner. You have to adjust with a few things (both boys and girls). It is complicated but if you love your partner truly, you will hold on to any situation.

Regarding the social view point, I do find out that it indeed is considered a taboo. But we should consider the fact that God did not made religions. He made us. It is us who created barriers between ourselves in the name of religion. So, why not accept each other as one kind. Why put religion between two people who are happy with each other and have created their own world of love to live in? Why be a reason for the endless pain of separation between two who-could-have-been-the-happiest-pair? I believe that all religions preach love, so why demolish that love in the name of the same religion?

I will also strongly suggest the youth that they analyze all sort of problems that can be faced after an inter religion marriage. The society won’t be changing as fast as you want it to. So you should be ready to face those difficulties that come in your way. Please do not leave your love stranded. Be an example for those who say that inter religion marriages can’t be successful.

PS: I don’t believe in god. But most of you do. So please give emphasis on what I wrote.
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vishalbheeroo
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 3:25 AM delete

Interesting topic. I was in a relationship with someone from a different faith but didn't work out. However, I feel it depends on two persons in love and we shouldn't let religion rule. There are so many successful inter religions marriage. Also, I disagree with the perspective that one doesn't marry a partner but the family.

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i b arora
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 8:15 AM delete

it all depends on compromises people are willing to make, love will carry you some distance but not all the way

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August 9, 2014 at 8:39 AM delete

It is a very sensible thought Anmol. I do see the point in why parents are against inter caste marriages. I guess we are still a long way from the casteless society, probably initial days will be hiccups for any new change to happen. Esp in a developing nation.

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Anita
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 9:09 AM delete

Very nicely expressed, Anmol.
I agree. This is reality.
The last para of your post is important :)

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Datta Ghosh
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 10:38 AM delete

A great Post, A matured outlook.

Instead of God use Nature if you do not believe in God (Just a suggestion as I use it often, never landed me in any trouble) :).
Marriages are a different ball game. Only Love does not run a marriage, Marriage is not for you but for the other person.
Yes, women have to adjust the most.
What I suggest for everyone is live a bit away from the parents after marriage, visit both the set of parents regularly, do not miss out on any duties as a child be it the boy or the girl. (It worked in my case)
This can be followed in the initial days of marriage as it gives you the necessary space to understand each other. As the relation grows older, parents go older start living with them more because by now all adjustments are done and parents need us more now. It requires a huge level of work life balance and maturity but worth it if relations stay good

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August 9, 2014 at 5:25 PM delete

Well written mate. Your words are true.
Well expressed. :)

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August 9, 2014 at 6:28 PM delete

Anmol, firstly you made points which are practical and I appreciate that....happiness or not, most of the marriage today without the clause of religion works more towards it existence and survival ....then comes happiness...the world is changing and still we have a long long way to go....what is good for me might not be good for others. Besides the point is with my personal exposure or experiences...I have seen the marriages work not on the basis of religion but tremendous mutual understanding, empathy, respect and commitment to not let scatter the bond at any cost come what. Acceptance of family and religion might give you that blessing that we look forward to as a couple at the beginning but there is no guarantee that it will lead to a so called happy marriage....marriage is a work in process which needs constant rearing. Lastly, just staying under the same roof for societal pressure or for sake of a norm is not marriage.....a true marriage is way above that.

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 8:05 PM delete

Exactly, religion should not be the deciding factor but you need that will to continue with your loved ones if you have to overcome these barriers.

I can't disagree with that perspective completely. In Indian society most of the people live with their parents and thus a girl is surly marrying the family. But if the parents are good, it's more of a positive thing than negative.

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 8:06 PM delete

Agreed. Both of the partners need to adjust a bit in order to sustain their love into a fruitful relationship. :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 8:08 PM delete

Exactly ! There are many couples who are not even serious of their relationships. I know people who married off in their college only and then they regret it but then the parents also don't support them. So that is a fear parents have. If they will see more and more happy couples irrespective of what caste and religion, they will surely change :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 8:09 PM delete

Thank you Anita :)
I believe in that last para. It is important :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 8:16 PM delete

Really? I thought I was amateur :)

I believe in Karma. But let's not deviate from the topic here :p

Yes exactly. But then most of the parents will get offended right? Lucky you in that case :)
I have many friends and cousins who does not live away but yet, they are so happy. Although they did not marry inter-caste or religion. But the thing I'm pointing at is that if they are supportive and understanding, life is indeed blissful. It's a matter of personal opinion. I know girls who say that they are blessed to live with the family as she is adored and loved like their own daughter and I know girls whose life is hell due to their in-laws.

But what you said can definitely be practiced. It takes much time for a girl to adjust into different customs and religion. A time away can result positive for sure. But then, I would also say that the positive or negative result will vary from person to person. You are a good person to say and understand all that but not all are right? :)

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 8:21 PM delete

I agree. So many people tend to just carry the burden for the sake of society or parental pressure. I recently read a book - The Deliberate Sinner which also talks about the same. Mutual understanding, empathy, respect and commitment like you said are must in any relationship. I agree, any relationship will scatter around if these traits are missing.

Like I said that I have not been married yet and there's still time for me to understand all these things first handed. So thank you for dropping by and leaving your valuable comment. I hope more people will read what you said.

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Dorit Sasson
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 8:48 PM delete

My brother had an interfaith wedding and it was one of the most beautiful weddings I had ever witnessed. You make a good point when you said, that one is adopting to the other partner's culture. There's so much acceptance and learning that has to go on before I person says, "I do."
Great post.
Dorit Sasson
Giving a Voice to Your Story
www.GivingaVoicetotheVoicelessBook.com

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Texstar
AUTHOR
August 9, 2014 at 9:31 PM delete

I guess my view is going to be very different. Love has limits and that's why inter-faith marriages as a whole have a large divorce rate.

Outside of love what do you have in common that you can grow the marriage around? If you are of different faiths I can assure you that most times one partner will want their faith to become the others. Many differing belief systems are just not compatible.

Again, if you can make it work that's great. But it's not the norm. You have to have more behind the relationship after five, ten, twenty years. I've been happily married 21 years. But my wife and I are on the same page about 95% of the time. That sure makes it a lot easier and we are a lot happier for it.

Just an opinion base on my own experience.
~ Don Purdum

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August 10, 2014 at 4:47 AM delete

Nice post !...every youth should first understand and analyze the situation before they jump for an inter-faith marraige terming it as "Love". Couples who are strongly in love and understand that they would have to compromise & put a little more effort to sustain their inter -faith marraige will anyways do their best to stay happy ....!

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August 10, 2014 at 1:43 PM delete

It is exactly as you said. When you get married, you're not just marrying one person, you're marrying a whole family and the degree of adjustment you're willing to make will determine whether or not your inter-religious marriage will be successful. Very well written post.

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anawnimiss
AUTHOR
August 10, 2014 at 8:45 PM delete

"I believe that all religions preach love, so why demolish that love in the name of the same religion?"
Exactly. And when you love someone, you have to love them completely, just as they are. They shouldn't have to change or convert just to be with you!

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R Miglani
AUTHOR
August 11, 2014 at 2:55 PM delete

The last paragraph you write is exactly what I meant in my post.
you had a strong control over what you were trying to suggest.cool

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 11, 2014 at 6:20 PM delete

Thank you for dropping by Dorit :) I'm happy for your brother then :) Cheers to their happy married life !

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 11, 2014 at 6:22 PM delete

That is what I have also talked about. The reason is the rush to marriage where none of the partner give it a thought seriously. They fall in love and they marry. As I have said, marriage is a whole different deal. You need to first analyze if you can offer that companionship and put your efforts whole-heartedly to make it survive at any cost.

I know so many belief systems are not compatible to each other. But are you ready to leave your beliefs for your love?

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 11, 2014 at 6:32 PM delete

Absolutely! Half of the people don't even understand what love is before jumping into marriage. It is much more complex in real life than what the novels and movies tell us. Marriage is not always written with a feather, you need to make sacrifices and efforts to be with the one you want to.

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 11, 2014 at 6:33 PM delete

Right ! At least in India I would say. Families and Relations do matter here. Even the guy and their family should adjust a bit I would say. It is not easy to be married with an inter religion partner. Both ends should adjust a bit to make it a fruitful relation.

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 11, 2014 at 6:35 PM delete

Yes if you don't want to adjust with your beliefs, simply drop them for your love. Which is more important? The one you want to spend your life with or some beliefs that has not literal or substantial meaning in today's world? If it is the latter, simply don't marry and spoil so many lives.

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Anmol Rawat
AUTHOR
August 11, 2014 at 6:36 PM delete

Thank you Rahul :) Glad it had that intensity :)

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cifar shayar
AUTHOR
August 13, 2014 at 4:05 PM delete

each others customs are alien to us as we have distant ourselves, the Ganga-Jamuni tahzeeb we used to vow about is in threat not from outside but from within.

Hindi Hain Hum

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Shruti Modi
AUTHOR
October 29, 2014 at 4:12 PM delete

Yea I agree Anmol and I am happy to say that I am going for an "inter-religion" arrange marriage. I am proud that both of the families do not care about what religion/caste we belong too.. I hope and pray this change takes place everywhere.. :)

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