I heard him talk to me one day. He wanted to see me grow up to be a doctor. I had pledged right then that I will stand up to his expectations. How badly had I wanted to grow up and walk with my tiny feet holding his pinky finger? I often found him trying to hear me by keeping his ear on my mother’s belly. Almost every night. How badly had I wanted to speak right then. “Dad, I’m here and I’m fine. I will soon be in your arms and you will hug me to you.
My mother. She even gave up on her smoking habits. I thought she cared for me so much. Every day, she used to caress her belly and I could feel the warmth of her touch. She did not even realize, but that made me feel safe. I incidentally kicked her one day and almost fell so sorry for my mistake. However, I heard her giggle. Even my dad joined her and it felt like they were excited for some reason. I was glad that I made them happy. Since then, I did that occasionally and what followed was blissful.
I was waiting restlessly for the day I will actually be in their arms and they will fight with each other to hold me. Today was the day. It disheartened me that my birth meant so much of pain to her. However, I had no choice.
Finally, after much effort, I was breathing. Breathing in the world that was new for me. However, I did not find that laughter that had echoed so much in my ears for nine months. I could not understand what was happening.
“It’s a girl.” It was all I could hear from my dad.
I had so many dreams. Dreams that lay shattered now. My mom and dad, who so dearly loved me until I was born are nowhere around. I am here all alone by myself crying as if someone will hear me and embrace me with affection.
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